"Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured."

"He is one of those peple who would be enormously improved by death"

"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh."

"A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch."

"When two friends part they should lock up each other's secrets and exchange keys. The truly noble mind has no resentments."

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."

"If thou are a master, be sometimes blind; if a servant, sometimes deaf."

"EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion."

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

"Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it."

"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess."

"I will not add another word."